i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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