Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
