I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
