This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
