what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize