apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
