So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My penis needs a shock collar
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize