Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
