can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
