Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
