I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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