Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
