he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
