It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
