So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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