I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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