so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
