U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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