how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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