She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
