I looked at my own cervix.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
