I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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