Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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