Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
