Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just had sex on a roof
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
