We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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