I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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