This girl is more easily done than said...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
