My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
