it's too hot outside to masturbate.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
