I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
