She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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