Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

My room smells like vodka and shame

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(425): View more from Washington

There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth

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(614): View more from Ohio

just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

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(407): View more from Florida

Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket

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(303): View more from Colorado

so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???

(1-303): View more from Colorado

all of the above

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(207): View more from Maine

I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.

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