This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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