Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
