His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize