woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
