Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Four minutes until I can fart!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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