I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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