Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
