Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
