First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize