Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
