Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
