Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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