I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
