that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize