I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
