I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
