Me too!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
