I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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