moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Someone came in the potted fern
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
