ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
