FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
