Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
