I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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