I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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