i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
