Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
