operation have a gay friend backfired
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
