Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
