White coat. Heels.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
