I just pynch a tree in the face
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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