After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
