honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
