I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
its liver damage thursday
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
