my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
