You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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