so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
