I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
