Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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