I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
