I hope mine doesn't look like that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
