redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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