I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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