I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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