Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
