I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
