you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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