made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
