Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
