I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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