Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
