This is not my ceiling
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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