I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
