It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
