if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
