he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
