I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
