Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
