I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
