i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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