I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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