I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
