I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
