I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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