he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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