I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
