i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize