Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
