tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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