so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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