FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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